Coaching for Families - Building Healthy Family Relationships
POSITIVE FAMILY SOLUTIONS™
POSITIVE FAMILY SOLUTIONS™
SLOW DOWN ... YOU'RE MOVING TOO FAST
Parent Coaching - Teen Coaching - Family Coaching
Slow down, you're moving too fast!
By Isabelle Zehnder
Slow down, you're moving too fast!
By Isabelle Zehnder
There's a movement that is telling us all to slow down, we're moving too fast! This message hits home for families. Carl Honoré is an author and recently wrote Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting - he is a public speaker, world traveler, and has been described by ABC News as "the unofficial godfather of a growing cultural shift toward slowing down."
Carl is on a mission to get the message to parents that we need to slow down and let our kids be kids. Let them experience life as it is meant to be, in their world, on their time.
Madeline Levine, Ph.D. also wrote a book recently, The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids.
These two authors - their books and their messages to parents around the globe - inspired me to write my most recent article Overindulgence and Hyper-Parenting: How We May Unintentionally Be Hurting Our Kids.
I talked about Madeline's teen clients who complain bitterly of being too pressured, misunderstood, anxious, angry, sad, and empty. These kids come from affluent families and are given an abundance of material things. I understand exactly what she's talking about because her practice happens to be located in the same community where I was raised - the very affluent area just north of San Francisco, Marin County.
Madeline also talks her 15-year old client who used a razor to incise the word EMPTY on her left forearm. She said, "I tried to imagine how intensely unhappy my young patient must have felt to cut her distress into her flesh".
I remember growing up there with kids whose parents had so much money that the kids could have just about anything they wanted - except their parent's time. While my mom and dad were home with us on Friday nights watching family movies (something I continued with my own kids) their parents were out partying and the kids were left alone to fend for themselves. They'd sometimes show up at my house to get something to eat, begging to spend the night. Begging for what they called a "normal" family.
Even back in the 60's and 70's when I was growing up kids were constantly complaining and as we got older nothing we did seemed fun enough for them. When some of us were still having fun playing jacks and hoola-hooping they were sneaking off smoking cigarettes and sneaking into their parent's liquor cabinets. I remember well what those kids were doing by the time we reached junior high. And by the time we reached high school some of them were drug addicts, drop-outs, or in jail.
Not much has changed, except that I think it's gotten worse over time. The same thing happened when my kids were growing up between the 80's and the 2000's. Many of their friends were alone and longing for someone to make a meal for them, to spend time with them, to tell them they had to do their homework. They too were left to fend for themselves and it is those kids who are now struggling in life. They are out of high school and have no direction, no drive, and no self-confidence. There are many, not just a few.
It is my hope that parents around the globe will take another look at what is going on with our kids. How they can slow things down and strike a balance. I know that most parents don't think they fall in the category of overindulging their kids, or hyper-parenting them, and I think that's half the problem. I join Carl and Madeline in trying to get the message to parents to take another look, to dig deeper, to delve into what it really means to overinduldge a child or to hyper-parent them.
What so many people don't understand is that overindulgence is not all about money or material things. It's about giving a child or teen too much of anything, because too much of anything is never a good thing. That means too much free time, too many choices to make, too little time with mom or dad - when their job should be being a kid and not having to wonder if they'll have to figure out what to eat for dinner since no one will be home to fix them a meal.
I strongly support what Carl said:
"Children need to feel safe and loved; they need our time and attention with no conditions attached; they need boundaries and limits; they need space to take risks and make mistakes; they need to spend time outdoors; they need to be ranked and measured less; they need healthy food; they need to aspire to something bigger than owning the next brand-name gizmo; they need room to be themselves. Because every child and every parent is different, every family must find the formula that works best for them."
Carl is on a mission to get the message to parents that we need to slow down and let our kids be kids. Let them experience life as it is meant to be, in their world, on their time.
Madeline Levine, Ph.D. also wrote a book recently, The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids.
These two authors - their books and their messages to parents around the globe - inspired me to write my most recent article Overindulgence and Hyper-Parenting: How We May Unintentionally Be Hurting Our Kids.
I talked about Madeline's teen clients who complain bitterly of being too pressured, misunderstood, anxious, angry, sad, and empty. These kids come from affluent families and are given an abundance of material things. I understand exactly what she's talking about because her practice happens to be located in the same community where I was raised - the very affluent area just north of San Francisco, Marin County.
Madeline also talks her 15-year old client who used a razor to incise the word EMPTY on her left forearm. She said, "I tried to imagine how intensely unhappy my young patient must have felt to cut her distress into her flesh".
I remember growing up there with kids whose parents had so much money that the kids could have just about anything they wanted - except their parent's time. While my mom and dad were home with us on Friday nights watching family movies (something I continued with my own kids) their parents were out partying and the kids were left alone to fend for themselves. They'd sometimes show up at my house to get something to eat, begging to spend the night. Begging for what they called a "normal" family.
Even back in the 60's and 70's when I was growing up kids were constantly complaining and as we got older nothing we did seemed fun enough for them. When some of us were still having fun playing jacks and hoola-hooping they were sneaking off smoking cigarettes and sneaking into their parent's liquor cabinets. I remember well what those kids were doing by the time we reached junior high. And by the time we reached high school some of them were drug addicts, drop-outs, or in jail.
Not much has changed, except that I think it's gotten worse over time. The same thing happened when my kids were growing up between the 80's and the 2000's. Many of their friends were alone and longing for someone to make a meal for them, to spend time with them, to tell them they had to do their homework. They too were left to fend for themselves and it is those kids who are now struggling in life. They are out of high school and have no direction, no drive, and no self-confidence. There are many, not just a few.
It is my hope that parents around the globe will take another look at what is going on with our kids. How they can slow things down and strike a balance. I know that most parents don't think they fall in the category of overindulging their kids, or hyper-parenting them, and I think that's half the problem. I join Carl and Madeline in trying to get the message to parents to take another look, to dig deeper, to delve into what it really means to overinduldge a child or to hyper-parent them.
What so many people don't understand is that overindulgence is not all about money or material things. It's about giving a child or teen too much of anything, because too much of anything is never a good thing. That means too much free time, too many choices to make, too little time with mom or dad - when their job should be being a kid and not having to wonder if they'll have to figure out what to eat for dinner since no one will be home to fix them a meal.
I strongly support what Carl said:
"Children need to feel safe and loved; they need our time and attention with no conditions attached; they need boundaries and limits; they need space to take risks and make mistakes; they need to spend time outdoors; they need to be ranked and measured less; they need healthy food; they need to aspire to something bigger than owning the next brand-name gizmo; they need room to be themselves. Because every child and every parent is different, every family must find the formula that works best for them."
2009© by Positive Family Solutions™
_______________________________________________________
Isabelle Zehnder
Certified Family Coach
Specializing in Family and Teen Issues
www.positivefamilysolutions.com
coaching@positivefamilysolutions.com
Tel: (360) 723-5253
